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The Reason Hawaii has Interstate Highways
Holy Religious Sex, Batman!
by: Kyodi Tae
Posted: 02/14/00         Score: 3.0         Votes: 242
The Gates to Heaven lie beneath the robes of St. Paul, and I always thought it was St. Peter. Man, I'm going to Hell for this log...
Saint Paull1000: hi
Kyodi Tae: FUCKING SWEET!
Kyodi Tae: I've never had cybersex with a man of God before. That Catholic priest doesn't count either.
Saint Paull1000: Feel blessed
Kyodi Tae: I do!
Kyodi Tae: Bless my pussy!
Saint Paull1000: Bear it
Kyodi Tae: Bear what?
Kyodi Tae: Oh, bare it.
Saint Paull1000: Yea
Kyodi Tae: Ok, it's bared. Are you going to pour holy water on it?
Saint Paull1000: First I kneel before it and annoint it with my tongue
Kyodi Tae: I begin praying, "Lord, thank you for sending me this holy man to eat my pussy with fanatic fervor and religious zeal. Thank you for the milkman, the dishwasher repairman, and Catholic Priests."
Saint Paull1000: And I eat that pussy til its nice and wet
Kyodi Tae: Did you make the stations of the Cross over it yet?
Kyodi Tae: You can't fuck it until it's holy.
Saint Paull1000: Yes
Saint Paull1000: Its holy
Kyodi Tae: Ok...
Kyodi Tae: You can fuck it now, Father.
Saint Paull1000: Not so fast, first you have to take communion
Kyodi Tae
: Oh, good idea.
Saint Paull1000: I stand and take out my holy rod
Kyodi Tae
: Cast thine seed over mine forehead, Father.
Saint Paull1000: Open your mouth and recieve my blessing
Kyodi Tae
: Nay, Father. Cast thine seed into mine eyes and commend thy spirit.
Saint Paull1000: Then I spread my seed into thine eye and upon your brow
Kyodi Tae
: Mine brow drips with thy love water, blessing mine flesh seven times seventy.
Saint Paull1000: Remove thy vestments, let me look upon thy breasts
Kyodi Tae
: I rend mine robes before thee, exposing mine vile and fornicating flesh to thee.
Saint Paull1000: I grab thy breast and pull thee close to me, my breath upon your neck, I run gentle kisses up your soft neck as my hand fondles your soft tender breast
Kyodi Tae
: Is this holy, Father?
Saint Paull1000: I'm giving you a special purification
Kyodi Tae
: Won't God be mad though, that we didn't get married first?
Saint Paull1000: Well, not really. seeing as he'll forgive us
Kyodi Tae
: But He's a vengeful, jealous God! Shouldn't you let Him violate me first?
Kyodi Tae: You'll have to take sloppy seconds to God, but that's not that bad, is it?
Saint Paull1000: Then in God's name I throw you down and climb on top of you
Kyodi Tae
: God's wrath comes forcefully from Heaven, incinerating you where you lay.
Saint Paull1000: But I have been infused with His spirit and do His Will
Kyodi Tae
: And His Will is to have sex with 12yr olds on the InterNet?
Kyodi Tae: Genesis 1:24 On the eighth day, God made little girls, so He may violate them as says His Will.
Saint Paull1000: Ge
Saint Paull1000: Sure
Kyodi Tae: Pray for your soul, Holy Man, for God's hath terrible fury and righteous vengeance!
Kyodi Tae: Hello?
Saint Paull1000: hi
Kyodi Tae: Are you still a Holy Man?
Saint Paull1000: Nope
Kyodi Tae: Hrm...so what are you now?
Saint Paull1000: Just a man
Kyodi Tae: So, do you still want to have sex with me?
Kyodi Tae: Did I make you mad by making fun with God?
Saint Paull1000: no
Saint Paull1000: I'm not mad
Kyodi Tae: I asked two questions. I need two answers.
Saint Paull1000: Yes to the first
Kyodi Tae: Ok...
Kyodi Tae: Hey, will you let me into Heaven when I show up at the Pearly Gates?
Kyodi Tae: Oh, wait - that's St. Peter.
Kyodi Tae: Never mind.
Saint Paull1000: I'll put in a good word for you
Kyodi Tae: Sweet! Thanks.
Saint Paull1000: Your welcome
Kyodi Tae: Is God tall? He sounds tall.
Saint Paull1000: Very tall
Kyodi Tae: Like how tall? I think tall is sexy.
Saint Paull1000: As tall as he wants, I'm 6'1"
Kyodi Tae: You will capitalize the Name of the Lord, heathen!
Saint Paull1000: Sorry, I Mean He
Kyodi Tae: Thine life shall be spared for thine conversion to the Light of God.
Saint Paull1000: Praise be to Him
Kyodi Tae: The Wonderful Counsellor, Almighty God, Holy One.
Saint Paull1000: Yes
Kyodi Tae: No Jesus, no peace. Know Jesus, know peace.
Saint Paull1000: Amen
Kyodi Tae: Art thou a Follower of the Lord, brethren?
Saint Paull1000: Yes, and thou?
Kyodi Tae: My speech betrayeth mine faith, brother.
Saint Paull1000: Tis a good day then
Kyodi Tae: Doest thine God save thine ass when thou masturbateths?
Saint Paull1000: He forgives me when I comit that most heinous act
Kyodi Tae: Doest thou commend thy spirit into His Hands?
Kyodi Tae: Er, unto His Hands?
Saint Paull1000: Yes
Kyodi Tae: Doest thou commend thy semen into thine own hand?
Saint Paull1000: YEs
Kyodi Tae: I thinketh thine masturbatory actions sexy.
Saint Paull1000: Dost thou also comit this act?
Kyodi Tae: Hey!
Kyodi Tae: Yes, I commend mine semen unto the tongue of mine partner.
Kyodi Tae: I have an idea!
Saint Paull1000: ok
Kyodi Tae: Let's play "Sodom and Gamorrah"!
Kyodi Tae: I'll be Sodom and you can be Gamorrah!
Saint Paull1000: Ok
Kyodi Tae: Alright!
Kyodi Tae: Ok, Gamorrah, I bend you over, whip out mine cock, and rapeth thine ass with it.
Kyodi Tae: Thus, the term sodomy is coined.
Saint Paull1000: You have a cock?
Kyodi Tae: Nay, my lord.
Saint Paull1000: Then it is i who should raperh thine ass
Kyodi Tae: Rapier mine ass?
Saint Paull1000: I menat rapeth
Kyodi Tae: Nay, my lord, thine sword be too sharp to commend thy semen unto mine love canal.
Saint Paull1000: I shall not spill seed in vain
Kyodi Tae: Thou shalt reap where thou soweth, so thou shouldst spread thy seed wherever thou canst.
Saint Paull1000: I shall spread mine seed upon thy breast
Kyodi Tae: Especially in mine ass.
Saint Paull1000: Or thy mouth
Kyodi Tae: Or upon mine ankles.
Saint Paull1000: Wherever thou wishes
Kyodi Tae: Spread thine seed across mine fields, so that I might reap the wonders that is your semen.
Kyodi Tae: Er, thine semen.
Kyodi Tae: Er, shit! Mine semen.
Kyodi Tae: Mine semen drippeth from thine chin.
Saint Paull1000: Then I shall insert mine tool within thy garden and I shall go deep to spread mine seed
Kyodi Tae: ARE YOU CALLING ME A HOE?!
Saint Paull1000: Nay gentle maiden, just what I would presume to do if I but had thine word to do so.
Kyodi Tae: That made no fucking sense. Why are you talking all fucked up? Don't you want to fuck me?
Saint Paull1000: Yes
Kyodi Tae: Ok, so ... eat me or something.
Kyodi Tae: Er, eat me = suck me off.
Saint Paull1000: I spread your legs and bury my tongue into your pussy
Kyodi Tae: I snap my legs back together, wrapping your head in steel-belted thigh armor.
Kyodi Tae: Suddenly, you lose consciousness, so forceful is my grip.
Saint Paull1000: I force them apart again and continue licking
Kyodi Tae: You can't force them apart - they're locked together by hydraulic pressure motors.
Saint Paull1000: I'm very strong
Kyodi Tae: I roll you over and over, and slam you against the wall by lifting my knees above my head.
Kyodi Tae: Strong enough to force apart hydraulics? I think not.
Saint Paull1000: Ok, so I'm broken and bleeding on the floor
Kyodi Tae: Right, now I start violating every open wound on your body.
Saint Paull1000: ok
Kyodi Tae: Um, violating is kind of like raping.
Kyodi Tae: Something of mine is being forced into your body.
Kyodi Tae: Does that not spark any questions?
Saint Paull1000: It does
Kyodi Tae: Ok, ask them now.
Saint Paull1000: What exactly are you into here?
Kyodi Tae: Anal rape, auto-erotic asphyxiation, fisting, felching, pearl necklaces, beastiality, necrophilia, fantasy sex, ... lemme think a minuet.
Kyodi Tae: ...Er, minute. Minuet is a dance or something.
Saint Paull1000: Fantasy sex?
Kyodi Tae: Yeah, like I'm a dominatrix, or a celtic warrior, or a Russian spetznaz or something sexy like that.
Kyodi Tae: So, to start at the top of the list, can I anally rape you now?
Saint Paull1000: No
Kyodi Tae: Ok. Can I auto-erotically asphyxiate you?
Saint Paull1000: ok
Kyodi Tae: Ok, I bend you over, shove my cock straight up your ass, and begin choking you from behind.
Kyodi Tae: You turn blue, and blow my wad hard into your colonic womb.
Saint Paull1000: ok
Kyodi Tae: Is that good for you?
Kyodi Tae: Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I have violated the colon of another man three times.
Saint Paull1000: sure
Kyodi Tae: Am I forgiven?
Saint Paull1000: Yes
Kyodi Tae: Ok, can I still violate your ass?
Saint Paull1000: no
Kyodi Tae: Can I make you suck my cock then?
Saint Paull1000: Thought you said you had no cock
Kyodi Tae: Did I?
Kyodi Tae: Or didn't I?
Saint Paull1000: You did
Kyodi Tae: Dammit - I might have, at that.
Kyodi Tae: Hrm...well, I take it back.
Saint Paull1000: You did
Kyodi Tae: Just pretend I'm an altar boy.
Saint Paull1000: no
Kyodi Tae: Hrm...well, pretend I'm a cross-dressing nun then. You have those, right?
Saint Paull1000: no, are you a guy or girl
Kyodi Tae: *sigh* I've had something up your ass for like half this chat. Are you still asking?
Saint Paull1000: no, should of just told me sooner instead of beating around the bush
Kyodi Tae: Bush? No, girls have that.
Kyodi Tae: I have a cock, thus I am a guy.
Saint Paull1000: Which is ok with me
Kyodi Tae: Which fits the whole Catholic priest AIM screen name deal.
Kyodi Tae: So, do you want to suck my cock now?
Saint Paull1000: I suppose so
Saint Paull1000: You first
Kyodi Tae: *sigh* No. You're supposed to be shocked and go running away, making a face of utter disgust at what you've just done, repent, beg forgiveness from the Lord, and say fifteen Hail Mary's before bed tonight.
Saint Paull1000: Never said I was a holy man
Kyodi Tae: Obviously not, sick-ass. You pick up 12yr old Catholic Korean girls who would trust a name like St. Paul and try to violate their beautiful, divinely-created bodies, you dirty, dirty fornicator.
Saint Paull1000: Your the one asking for Cyber sex
Kyodi Tae: No I'm fucking not.
Kyodi Tae: Now, come on - pretend to be a chick for me so I can get rid of this raging hard boner I got from you talking all sexy to me.

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Kyodi Tae: Forgive me, Lord, for I have sinned against Thee...

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