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Buying Our Way Out of Purgatory One Catholic Priest at a Time
Han(d) Solo
by: SexAdviceChick
Posted: 10/08/00         Score: 2.1         Votes: 120
Ice0Man0pedz: well, she cant seem to get me off, i always have to do i myself, it seems
Ice0Man0pedz: hi
SexAdviceChick
: Hi. I'm Abigail VanBaiter. What's your name, and how can I help you?
Ice0Man0pedz: John
SexAdviceChick
: Glad to meet you, John. How can I help you?
Ice0Man0pedz: well..
Ice0Man0pedz
: to be honest with ya
Ice0Man0pedz
: i have a problem when im making out with women
SexAdviceChick
: Please describe your problem.
Ice0Man0pedz: well, she cant seem to get me off, i always have to do i myself, it seems
SexAdviceChick
: Have you talked this over with your partner, John?
Ice0Man0pedz: no, but i think it's just me, maybe i have some kind of hitch
SexAdviceChick
: And has this happened in the past, with other partners?
Ice0Man0pedz: yes
SexAdviceChick
: Do you often go limp after insertion?
Ice0Man0pedz: no, not that..
Ice0Man0pedz
: i dont go limp at all
Ice0Man0pedz
: its the orgasm
SexAdviceChick
: So you can reach orgasm, but you have to do it manually, then...?
Ice0Man0pedz: yes
SexAdviceChick
: Does it please your partner that you can sustain an erection for long periods of time?
Ice0Man0pedz: well, of course, but i think it's kinda rude not to orgasm for her when she expects it
SexAdviceChick
: Well, I'm sorry to hear that, John. There are things you can do to reach an orgasm with your partner.
Ice0Man0pedz: well, im all ears
SexAdviceChick
: Of course, if I were you, I wouldn't have that problem. I'm the opposite - I'd fuck the shit out of her for maybe two minutes at best, then blow my hot, steamy load of jizz all over her face or tits. God, I love doing that. Make me feel like a real man, pulling my cock out and just shooting it all over her.
SexAdviceChick: But since I'm not you, I don't have to stroke off... I can just jizz like a normal guy. Look ma, no hands!
SexAdviceChick: Anyhow, let's get back to you, John.
Ice0Man0pedz: so you're saying to not worry about her getting me off, just worry about me getting myself off?
SexAdviceChick
: No, not at all. I'm just kind of bragging about how I don't have your problem, I can fuck a chick and cum without having to sit there, stroking my 9" cock in front of her in a way that says, "You're not good enough to please me, I have to sit here and yank my pathetic cock."
Ice0Man0pedz: oh, i see.. so is pretending to be someone who gives advice pathetic too?
SexAdviceChick
: I haven't given you any advice at all. I don't think you can be helped. You're just going to have to deal with it. I'm glad I'm not you.
Ice0Man0pedz: well, help me, then
SexAdviceChick
: Um. Maybe I could massage your prostate with my 9" manrod while you're fucking her. The extra-sexy sensation would surely help bring you to a raging climax. Ever taken it in the ass?
Ice0Man0pedz: no, i really don't plan to.. but i do suggest that you take some courses that let you know you are male and that pretending to be female is a pseudo-psychological malady, and that you need treatment (Freud ca. 1932)
SexAdviceChick
: Really? Well, at least I can be helped.
Ice0Man0pedz: hey.. they hurt.. they dont know how to do it right.. it isnt my fault, and im not going to sit there and say 'do it rihgt bitch'
SexAdviceChick
: I've never had to deal with that. My problem is that I don't last very long, I just blow my load all over her. I know she fakes her orgasms, but she only does it because she thinks I care.
SexAdviceChick: I guess the best thing you can do, is go find a hot guy somewhere, and have hot, gay sex. It seems that you only get off when your cock is touching male flesh, so there's your solution.
SexAdviceChick: That will be $48.75, please.
Ice0Man0pedz: lol
Ice0Man0pedz
: nah, im straight
Ice0Man0pedz
: that nillifies the payment
Ice0Man0pedz
: recommending gay sex to a straight man is a 48.75 fee
SexAdviceChick
: What nullifies the payment is that you really should use the money to find a decent man-whore to satisfy your hidden/suppressed desires.
Ice0Man0pedz: i dont need a he-bitch
SexAdviceChick
: Obviously! You need to BE the he-bitch. From what you've said, it seems that you have inner desires to be dominated by a strong, aggressive homosexual man. One who will treat you like the woman you yearn to be.
Ice0Man0pedz: lol
Ice0Man0pedz
: you need to be a comedian and pick people out of the audience and demoralize them
Ice0Man0pedz
: like the Fryers er something
SexAdviceChick
: I'm glad you were able to get your mind off your sexual dysfunction, even if for just a few seconds. Rest assured, however, you'll be dealing with them in the future. You can run, but you can't hide.
Ice0Man0pedz: no SexAdviceChick, i must face my problem.. thanks so much.. you're a life saver..
SexAdviceChick
: Be sure to tip that male prostitute really well. If this is your first time, you might want to lube him up really good.
Ice0Man0pedz: (thumbs up) you got it
SexAdviceChick
: No, YOU got it. Up the ass.
Ice0Man0pedz: thanks for the correction
SexAdviceChick
: Also, be sure to take some pictures if you allow him. So next time you're fuckin' your old lady, maybe you can pull out the pics, and the nostalgia of it all might help you shoot off, ya know?
SexAdviceChick: Er... if he allows you.
Ice0Man0pedz: so how many shmoes (like me) try to get advice from you?
SexAdviceChick
: I dunno. Wanna cyber?
Ice0Man0pedz: no
Ice0Man0pedz
: im straight
SexAdviceChick
: Come on, man. It's okay. No one has to know.
Ice0Man0pedz: like i said.. no
SexAdviceChick
: Seriously, this problem of yours is kind of parallel to other obstacles in life... you experiment for a while, and come back a stronger person.
Ice0Man0pedz: once more.. no
SexAdviceChick
: Goddammit, you cheap fucking whore. SUCK ME OFF.
SexAdviceChick: You might feel like a dirty man-slut after you do it, but you have bigger problems, we both know it.

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